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| Bren |
| Life Goes On...Part II |
| 04.28.2010 10:31:54 | |
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Hi everyone! If you've been following my blog, the title of today's blog may sound familiar. Life Goes On...Part II. Yep, Deja Vu.
I've been in a new relationship for the last 4 months, which officially ended today. With a sad heart, I decided my desire to compete, is greater than my desire to share my life with another soul. I find that to be sad, but true. You see, the last 6 months I've been focused on one goal...bodybuilding. I want to compete in the Ironman. What does that mean? To me it means doing each day, what needs to be done to achieve the goal I've set for myself. That means spending time shopping and preparing meals, eating on schedule, going to work, going to the gym after work, cardio and lifting for a couple of hours, going home to shower, prepare for the next day and drop into bed tired...no,...exhausted. I'm not complaining, as I've chosen this lifestyle. What I am saying, is that sometimes we sacrifice alot for our passion.
Before I began the relationship, I was completely focused on one thing...preparing for the Ironman. It didn't take long after the relationship started, that I began to slip up on a few things, here and there. Going out to dinner, and eating things not as good as what I could prepare at home, not getting a workout in, and cutting gym time short so I could go out for an evening. Well, little things all add up to alot. I want to see results, and although I am seeing results, I know I can do better. I know when I'm cheating myself.
I was telling my friend Kathy about my recent breakup, and she suggested that maybe I was using the relationship as a way to sabotage my bodybuilding goals. Hmmmm. I asked myself if that was in fact, what I was doing. It might have been, I really don't know. I've been questioning myself everyday, if I have what it takes to really achieve my goal. To get to the gym each day, lift heavy, do cardio, eat clean and repeat. Sometimes I think I can't do it, then I look at how far I've come. 70 pounds lost. I know I'm repeating myself from previous blogs, but I think that there is a really important element in fat loss that is often overlooked... our mind. My coach is probably sick of hearing my doubts and concerns about if I make the show or not. One of these days, he's gonna slap me upside the head! I KNOW that I have what it takes. Each day doing the necessary, and doing it well. I "hear" Dave everyday. I KNOW.... I just have to do what needs to be done. So, why do I doubt? Why do I believe that I wont make it? I need to work on changing my thoughts. What the mind believes, the body achieves. We have all heard that saying before, but it's so true. My mind is fighting with me! It's not believing, and trusting, that all will work out.
So, here's where the sabotage part comes into play. If I choose to be in a relationship, and devote attention to the relationship, and if I don't achieve my goal of competing in the Ironman in October, then in my mind, I have a reason why I didn't achieve success. After all, relationships with the people we love, is the most important thing in the world. But can I have both? Can I have a relationship and still achieve my goals. I know it's possible, many people have relationships and compete. However, for me, being in a relationship, and trying be everything to everybody, proved to be too much. I wasn't doing well at either bodybuilding, or being attentive in my relationship.
So with renewed focus, and telling myself that I can do this, I forge on. I need to prove to myself that I can do anything I set out to do. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be in a relationship while I'm preparing to compete, unless it's with another bodybuilder. Someone who understands the dedication and devotion that's required. When it came to the issue of bodybuilding, I was in a very supportive relationship, but I found that I just didn't have any energy left over, and my relationship came in 2nd place. Sad, but true. Does that make me a shallow person? Maybe. However, for me, at this time in my life, I feel compelled to put all my energy into preparing for the Ironman. It has not been an easy road for me so far. No one said life is easy. I just have to keep on, keepin' on.
So, another failed relationship. Do I feel bad about it? Yes,....but I feel good about myself. I feel good knowing that I will not give up on my goals. I will not let what my mind is telling me, override what my heart wants. I need to develop a mental toughness and these challenging times I seem to keep having, are helping me with that! So, once again...a shout out to my friends, Dave, Kathy, Julie and Elaine, for being there for me when I need y'all! Each one of you are important to me, and I appreciate your friendship more than you will ever know.
Think On It:
Follow your heart
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