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| Bren |
| Life Goes On.... |
| 02.01.2010 14:10:01 | |
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Hi! I'm back! You might have been checking in on me and wondering where I've been. Sorry to make you wait so long. I've had a big setback in my "road to the Ironman", but I'm back now. Let me tell you about my last month....
Without going into too much detail about my personal life, I want to let you know how emotions can destroy our training goals if we choose to let them. I was in a relationship for ten years. About a year and a half ago, I chose to move out. I purchased my own home and began a life on my own so to speak. However, my ex and I didn't have full closure on our relationship until just recently. Even though I've started dating again, when my ex began dating someone new and told me about it, my world fell apart. I couldn't handle the fact that our relationship was now truly over. We were both finally moving on. When I heard the news, I was physically sick and couldn't eat or sleep for days.
In the past when I was stressed or depressed I overate. I binged on sugary foods, fatty foods anything to drown my emotions. That's how I ended up weighing so much in the first place, before I adopted the bodybuilding lifestyle. (225 pounds at 5'6...not a pretty sight). Not this time, I had no desire to eat. I didn't have an appetite at all. I sank into a giant black hole of depression. It happened fast and hard. I literally couldn't eat. The thought of food made me sick to my stomach. I wasn't sleeping well. It seemed all I could do was go to work and come home to my place of solace, where I could cry my eyes out each night. Training was important, but I just felt like I wasn't able to give it 100 percent. I couldn't eat at all without my stomach physically aching, and I had absolutely no appetite. Those of you that have never dealt with depression before might not be able to relate, but I know that there are many of you that can.
So the first thing I did was to call my trainer and friend Dave. "What do I do Dave"? I asked. "Can I live on protein bars and shakes to get me by until my appetite returns"? I wondered how far this would set me back. Dave was very understanding and had good insight into my situation. He basically said I would have to separate my emotions from eating and just force myself to eat healthy. Bars and shakes would be okay temporarily, but not for very long. Dave said not to worry about the competition. I'm a long ways out to the Ironman still. If I had only been about 8 weeks out it might be different. So that gave me peace. Dave also told me this will pass...the hurt will be intense for a while, and it will never go completely away, but the hurt will be less with time. I held onto that thought every day.
I told myself I'd grieve the ending of the relationship as long as I needed to, but in the process I would force myself to eat.
The only thing I could force down was chicken, broccoli and rice. I was eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just kept telling myself that this will pass. Just hang on. I continued to workout. I didn't put much effort into it though. Cardio was good. I got on the elliptical or spin bike and cried. Tears would run down my face, which made me look like I was sweating alot!
So I ask myself what did I learn from this? I learned a lot which I believe will help me with my preparation for my upcoming bodybuilding competition. I learned that we don't always feel like eating the right foods or training with purpose. We are not "motivated" (Dave dislikes that word) to eat the foods that are best for us when life sucks. Motivation is temporary and fleeting. I was not motivated to eat or train during this time, but I was disciplined and dedicated. I forced myself to eat. I forced myself to go to the gym. I didn't get the best workouts in. They weren't something I was proud of when I was done, but I was glad to keep doing what I needed to do even if it wasn't my best. I didn't give up. I didn't say forget the bodybuilding competition. I kept going even when I didn't want to.
When the final weeks of my preparation come and I have no energy, I feel tired, I don't want to eat certain foods, and don't feel like training hard, I will think back on this time in my life and realize that I made it through. I'm a winner. I not only survived this last month, but thrived. I'm happy to report that I'm better now. I still have moments that I feel sadness for a loss of a relationship that was at times wonderful, but I know in my heart we are both better off as friends. I can now move on.
Life goes on....
Think on it:
Do you ever feel like eating junk foods, skipping your workout or not taking care of yourself? Of course you do. We all do. Getting anything you really want in life requires dedication and determination. Know in your heart and mind that working out and eating clean is good for your body and mind. Think of the feeling you have when you leave the gym knowing you worked hard. Be proud of yourself. If you are in the middle of a stressful situation, push yourself beyond what you think you can do. Then you will have the great feeling of knowing that you did everything you could with the circumstances that surround you at the time.
For those of you that haven't checked out a great video clip yet, open up Dave Patterson...Raw located on this websites home page. Great information for everyone!
Bren
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