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| Bren |
| Meltdown time! |
| 04.07.2010 09:15:33 | |
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Ok, it finally happened...my meltdown that was destined to occur. Last Friday, I was working out with Kathy at Dave's gym. We were just wrapping up a hard leg workout. On my last set of the hack squat, tears began to fall. Dave looked over at me and asked what was going on. All I could say was, I don't know if I REALLY can do this. I don't know if I have what it takes, to do the hard work that is needed to change my body. I don't know if my body will actually transform enough, for me to be able to step onstage. All these thoughts kept going through my mind. I have told EVERYONE I know...friends, family and even my dental patients at work, about preparing for this bodybuilding competition. I HAVE TO BE ONSTAGE OCTOBER 2ND, 2010 AT THE IRONMAN.
What if I don't achieve my goals? What will I do? I let the little voice inside of me take over. You know the voice. It's the one that says, you can't do this. You're not strong enough. You don't have the determination to succeed. It's never gonna happen. Sure, you've lost weight, but you'll never have the discipline to restrict your carbs, so that you will become as lean as you need to be to step onstage.
WOW! I didn't see that coming! One minute I'm feeling good about myself, the next I'm crying on the hack squat, leaving Dave to wonder if I've completely lost my mind! Part of my emotions could be from watching everyone at the Vancouver show and thinking how great everyone looked. My friend, Kathy, just competed in her first show. I have watched her the past few months, becoming more lean and hard each week. I look in the mirror and see changes, but not as pronounced as I saw in Kathy each week. I know in my mind that she was lean to start with, and I have a lot of fat to lose before I begin to see the wonderful muscles I'm building underneath all that fat. I know it, but knowing it, and feeling the feelings, are different. I talked with Kathy after our workout while we were doing cardio. Actually, I cried, and she patiently listened and encouraged me. Like Dave had said earlier...just do what needs to be done each day...Kathy reminded me that I CAN do this! I just need to take it one day at a time.
I left Dave's gym contemplating why I had a meltdown. Maybe I was tired, stressed or I just allowed the negative thoughts to take hold of my emotions. Whatever the reason, I had to change my mindset. I started thinking about how far I've come...70 pounds in a year. That's a great achievement! However, what's most important to me is HOW I lost the 70 pounds..that's what I'm most proud of. You see, I did it by combining important key elements of successful weight loss: cardio, weightlifting and clean eating. I think about my previous exercise and eating habits and realize just how far I've come. In the past I've only incorporated one or two of the critical componets to sucess. I would diet, or I would work out like a maniac. I didn't do both at the same time. Now, I'm doing all three things and it is working. My kitchen cupboards are no longer filled with boxes full of preservatives. Now, my kitchen is filled with eggs, chicken, oats, rice and veggies. I feel so much better eating these foods. So, I don't mind that I had a meltdown. It allowed me to stop for a moment, and think about how far I've come. It reminded me once again to stop obsessing over what is beyond my control. All I need to do is focus on doing what is necessary each and every day, and then let it go. Give it my all, and that's all I can ask of myself.
Since that day, my workouts have been incredible. I don't think about how far I have to go, I think about the workout I'm doing that day, and that day only. I give it my all. Cardio has me dripping wet with a puddle of sweat under the elliptical machine. Weights have me so sore the next couple of days, I'm reminded every minute of the improvements I'm making. Yes, I have a ways to go, but soon I will be rewarded with an incredible body. When the fat melts off and the muscles start to pop I will be ecstatic!
I guess I was just overwhelmed with how much there is to do. Thanks, Dave and Kathy for reminding me to take it one day at a time!
Think On It:
Remember the age old joke, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time". Corny, but true.
Only be concerned with today. Tomorrow will take care of itself!
Bren
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